Dear Annie: My husband and I have a 3-year-old daughter, and we're trying to raise her with structure — regular bedtime, limited screen time and no sweets before meals. The problem is my mother-in-law.

She watches our daughter twice a week, and despite repeated conversations, she ignores every boundary we set. She lets her stay up late, gives her fast food for lunch and parks her in front of cartoons for hours. When we remind her of our rules, she says things like, "Oh, come on, it's just Grandma's house."

My husband agrees it's a problem, but he struggles to confront his mom. I don't want to be the "bad guy" daughter-in-law, but I also don't want to spend the next few years undoing the habits my child picks up over there.

How do I set firmer boundaries with someone who thinks the rules don't apply to her? — Mom, Not the Mean One

Dear Mom, Not the Mean One: Your mother-in-law's job is to love your child, not override your parenting because she misses the good old days of sugar before dinner.

Talk to your husband first. If he's not willing to step up, then he at least needs to have your back when you enforce the rules.

Then, face your mother-in-law: If she wants to keep babysitting, she needs to follow your parenting guidelines. If she can't, then she loses babysitting privileges. Period.

Dear Annie: I have lunch once a month with my friend of more than 20 years, "Patrice." Lately, though, all she talks about are her perfectly wonderful children and grandchildren. She doesn't ask about my adult children, and I don't have grandchildren myself.

It has become uncomfortable, almost like she's saying, "Look what I have that you don't." I don't know that she's deliberately trying to hurt my feelings, but either way, it's really starting to hurt. Now, I find myself making excuses and canceling lunches to avoid her and feeling this way.

Should I speak up, or should I just continue to applaud her good fortune, flawless children and incredible grandchildren? — Worn-Out Old Ear

Dear Old Ear: I see why you're drained. You go to lunch expecting to catch up with an old friend, but instead, you're stuck front row at the Patrice Show. Even if she doesn't mean to come across this way, it's a lot to take and it's worn you down.

You can either keep ducking out or be direct. Try something like, "Patrice, I'd love it if you asked about my family, too." Short, simple and true. If she values your relationship, she'll hear you. If she dismisses it, you'll know she prefers you as her audience rather than as her friend.

Annie Lane's second anthology — "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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