When Pets Speak ... by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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DR. WALLACE: I have a most unusual, faithful and loving pet, a dog named Poochie. Poochie can actually speak words that our family can understand. When strangers are present, he doesn't say a word. All he does to attract attention is to bark and wag his tail.

Awhile back you printed a letter from a reader who said her dog could speak English. Is it possible that you would be so kind and reprint that letter? My friends think that I've got "a screw loose" when I tell them our dog can speak to the family. — Nameless, Holland, Mich.

NAMELESS: I had to do a little research to honor your request. The column that you requested appeared on Feb. 3, 2005. I know that you will enjoy reading it again and so will your friends:

DR. WALLACE: I read with interest letters from dog owners who were 100 percent positive that their dog could understand human words. At first, you wouldn't believe it, but after getting a ton of mail giving examples, you finally agreed that dogs do understand human commands.

But I've got one that's even better than that! I have had cats that could say words that I understand. I've read that cats have the ability to utter 80 distinct syllables. While I doubt that any one cat can utter that many, I have had several cats that had a vocabulary of up to five distinctly different "words" they said to achieve certain things.

Tom Thumb (so named because he sucked his thumb just like a human baby) uttered "malk" when he wanted milk. If I offered him anything else, he would persistently utter "malk" until he got milk, but if he wanted canned cat food, he would say "meat" until he got it.

When he wanted to go outside, he said, "out," very plainly. The first request was without expression, but if I didn't let him out, he would repeat it with expression, until it was a plaintive "oouutt."

Once I was trying to convince my husband that Tom Thumb loved him. I said, "You do love your daddy, don't you, Tom Thumb?" With God as my witness, Tom Thumb flatly said, "Nope." Even my husband acknowledged it. He only said "nope" on two occasions that I am aware of, each time in response to the same question.

If I shut Tom Thumb in the garage because company was coming, he'd grumble all the way down the hall, "Glub, glub, rum, glum glub." Honestly, I think I'm glad I didn't understand that!

Another cat I had would say, "mert" each time I did her a favor and would say, "Oh, man!" very distinctly, and with feeling, when, on occasion, I shut her in the utility room. Still another cat "warbled" in a deep musical tone. I have never heard any other cat do that. Most cat sounds are the vowel sounds; "M" seems to be the predominant consonant.

Last, but not least, all of my cats come running to me when I whistle. I hope you believe me. — Fawn, Chino Hills, Calif.

FAWN: Once upon a time, I would have figured your letter was a put-on, but I've come around on the subject of smart pets. Yes, I believe you. What's more, I'm sure your letter will inspire more readers to write to me with tales of talking cats and other imagination-stretching examples of critter intelligence.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.